Things We Wish Someone Had Told Us Before We Became Celebrants

There are the glossy bits.

The frocks.
The standing ovations.
The “that was beautiful” hugs.
The Instagram photos in golden light.
The thank you cards and even, sometimes, flowers. Nice!

And then there’s the rest of it.

Here are the things we genuinely wish someone had told us before we became celebrants.

Not to put us off. We’d still have done it. It would still have been what we wanted. But we would have gone in better prepared and certainly made fewer mistakes.

Nb – There is no such thing as failure. Only feedback. We’ve had a lot of feedback.

So, let’s dive in.

Here’s what we wish we’d known. ♥️

The behind-the-scenes work is a lot

When you’re researching celebrant training, you focus on the ceremonies. The writing. The speaking. The meaningful stuff.

What you don’t immediately see is how much of the job is not the ceremony.

Marketing.
Networking.

Emailing.
Invoicing.
Chasing deposits.
Updating your website.
Posting on social media when you cannot think of anything to say.
Building relationships.
Maintaining your reputation.

You are not just a celebrant. You are a small business owner. You are your own marketing department. That is a big chunk of the job. Possibly bigger than you think.

If you do not invest time in growing your visibility, your business does not grow.

It’s that simple.

You will find your professional veneer

Even the most weepy of us. Kate T, we’re looking at you.

When we started, we genuinely wondered how we were going to stand in front of a grieving family and not dissolve.

Here’s what happens.

You learn.

You learn that it is not your grief. You are not there to cry with a grieving mother. You are there to hold space for her. To guide. To navigate. To be steady when she cannot be.

That steadiness is the gift.

If you cry, should that mother feel she needs to comfort you? Honestly, it really, really, really is not your place.

Come home, shut the door, put the kettle on and have a good blub if you need to. The Kates are not above a layby cry. Emotions are allowed. You are human. But you are also there as a professional, not as a family member or friend.

It is not time for your tears.

You will find your professional veneer. And it does not make you cold. It makes you useful.

Winter is real

If you train as a wedding celebrant, here is something practical no one shouts loudly enough.

Winter is off-season.

There are fewer bookings. The cold dark months can feel very quiet compared to the glorious chaos of summer.

So manage your income accordingly.

Take a decent booking fee. Do not leave all your payment until the wedding month. Otherwise your entire pay load lands in the summer and January feels like a financial hangover.

If you do funerals, you will have more year round consistency. If you do weddings, you need to plan properly.

Think about your income target. If you are only doing weddings, do you need another string to your bow?

If anyone tells you that you’ll be living high on the baby naming hog during the winter months, or that renewal of vow ceremonies suddenly go off the scale between November and February, they are not being entirely honest.

So once you’ve managed your financial flow, use winter wisely. Schedule couples meetings. Visit venues. Update your website. Refresh your SEO. Book onto CPD. Work on your marketing. Plan styled shoots. Build relationships.

This is a business. Treat it like one.

The FD as gatekeeper route is not the golden ticket

If you are considering funeral celebrant training, this bit is for you.

There is a narrative that says, “Just get in with funeral directors and you’re sorted.”

Here’s the reality.

If you rely solely on funeral directors to feed you work, you are not building your own brand. You are building theirs. You are waiting to be chosen. You are competing on price. You are interchangeable.

It is a precarious position to be in.

Yes, build relationships. Yes, be known. Yes, be professional.

But do not build your entire business on being someone else’s add on.

Direct-client work builds reputation, autonomy and resilience. It also tends to build better fees.

Gatekeeper dependency is not a strategy. It is a shortcut that often keeps you small.

We learned this the hard way. Fortunately for you, we now teach how to boot the FD-as-gatekeeper model into the long grass and take control of your business destiny.

Result.

You will not be liked by everyone

And that is OK.

Some couples will think you are too much. Some will think you are not enough. Some families will want something completely different to how you work.

You are not meant to be everyone’s cup of tea.

If you try to be universally palatable, you become beige.

Find your style. Own it.

At first, you will be gutted when work does not come your way. Over time, you will realise that what’s for you will not go round you – especially if you have nailed your branding and marketing.

You never stop learning

No two families are the same.

No two wedding couples are the same.

You will encounter dynamics you never saw coming. Tech failures. Awkward relatives. Sudden changes. Unexpected tenderness.

You will learn how to read a room. How to adjust tone. How to hold silence. How to pivot when something goes sideways.

The job grows you.

If you ever think you have cracked it completely, that is probably when you need to sharpen up again.

You are only as good as your last service. Do not rest on your laurels.

Every service is an opportunity to learn, to hone your skills and to polish.

Want to keep shining? Keep polishing.

Holding onto Orders of Service is not compulsory

This one is practical.

After a few years, you will have a cupboard full of other people’s dead people.

Stacks of Orders of Service you kept because it felt wrong to throw them away.

You do not have to keep them forever.

Put them on the fire. Raise a toast. Say thank you for letting me tell your story.

And let them go.

Otherwise, you will need a bigger house.

Reputation is everything

Be nice to everyone.

Chapel attendants. Florists. Photographers. Venue staff. Registrars. Musicians.

Your reputation travels faster than you think.

You are being quietly assessed every time you work. Not in a sinister way. Just in a professional ecosystem way.

If you are kind, prepared and easy to work with, people remember.

If you are diva-ish, late or sloppy, they remember that too.

This industry is smaller than it looks.

You will need to keep investing

In yourself and in your business.

CPD for you. Want to learn about specific rituals? Book the course. Want to improve your script writing? Get support. Want mentoring? Find it.

But also invest in your business.

We have yet to meet a business owner who set up once and never had to spend another penny. Yet we still meet celebrants who think once the website is live, that’s it.

Your website will need updating. New directories will appear. You may move from free platforms to paid ones. You may want SEO support. You might need help with something you are not good at.

Update your photos. We definitely look ten years older than when we started.

Sort your bank account properly. Have pots for expenses, income and tax. What’s left is profit.

What we wish someone had told us?

You need a business brain too.

Treat your business as something alive. Feed it and it will thrive.

And finally – don’t wear spotty pants under a white dress

Kate T, why are we always looking at you?

Because at some point there will be wind.

And a photographer.

And you will remember this blog post.

And wish you had listened.

Becoming a celebrant is extraordinary work.

It is meaningful. It is flexible. It can be life changing.

But it is also business. It is growth. It is graft. It is resilience.

If you are researching how to become a celebrant or considering wedding or funeral celebrant training, go in with your eyes open.

Not scared. Just informed.

We would not swap this career for anything.

But we are very glad we now know what we did not know then.

If you want the honest version of what celebrant training actually involves – the craft, the business, the reality – come and have a look at Match and Dispatch.

Watch the info videos.
Come to a Monday Meet Up.

Ask us the awkward questions.

We will give you the truth.

Always.

With love, realism and appropriately chosen underwear,

Big love